Anxiety, nervousness, fear and pain are some of emotions a person goes through when they think of having sex for the first time. Sex is not a very simple subject to talk about and that’s why most men and women only have little information about it even as young adults. A topic that should be taught very seriously along with its implications during teenage is just touched upon and shunned. Parents also feel uncomfortable talking to their children about sex while it is entirely their duty to educate their children about this universal law of life. Due to incomplete information, many men and women fear sex. Most often a woman is much more afraid than a man. They don’t know who to talk to get their questions answered. Even if they find a person who is experienced and knowledgeable, there is a lot of hesitation in asking questions about sex. Who wants to sound desperate?
Let’s take a look at the queries and fears that cloud a woman’s mind:
1. The one thing that women fear most is whether it will hurt her and will she be able to bear it? Inexperience, negative media and a bad experience shared by even one friend can fuel this fear manifold.
2. Insecurity about their body image is another fact that scares them. The feelings that they’ll look inappropriate and will they look good to their partner when naked. Some men also share the same anxiety.
Other common questions are:
3. What if it doesn’t pain or bleed? Will my partner assume that I’m not a virgin? Women are always taught to be discreet and homely and even if they talk to their partner about sex openly, it might be considered uncultured by some orthodox men.
4. Will I be able to satisfy my partner? How will I be able to keep things interesting? If I’m enthusiastic, will he feel that I’m not a virgin?
5. If I’m not comfortable and refuse to go further; will he leave me?
Fears encountered by men are:
1. Many men are insecure about the size of their penis. They feel that it is not big enough and their partner will make fun of them.
2. Fear of a non-erection is a constant concern for many men. Men are always taught to be masculine and strong. A non-erection will not make them feel man enough!
3. Fear of displaying inappropriate behavior.
4. Fear of premature ejaculation.
5. Lack of knowledge about the exact place where the intercourse will take place.
6. Being unable to identify the g-spot.
It is completely alright to be scared and nervous but do not worry. Here are a few simple tips to overcome first time fear of sex:
1. Sex is not compulsory for a relationship: The most important thing for both partners to remember is that sex is not a compulsion for your relationship to thrive. The decision to have sex should be mutual and only when both the partners are absolutely ready for it. If you partner doesn’t understand your unwillingness or your nervousness, he/she isn’t good enough to be your better half. Sex is not a condition that you need to fulfill; your emotional bonding and understanding is of utmost importance.
2. Talk to a friend or cousin – Talk to an experienced and knowledgeable person who can address your concerns. Tell them what scares you so that they can provide you with the correct and first-hand information.
3. Talk to your partner – If you can talk to your partner; nothing like it. Most partners will understand each other’s situation and render any help required to overcome the fear. Another advantage of telling your partner is that he/she knows what to expect and will not feel bad.
4. Educate yourselves about male and female reproductive organs – Get some literature. Surf the internet and read about the male and female reproductive organs. Watch appropriate images to get in-depth knowledge about the subject. Understand that each man and each woman is different. Not every woman bleeds or feels pain during the first time. Even if men are unable to get an erection or they ejaculate early; there is nothing to worry. With practice, they can master the game.
5. Watch some informative sex videos – It is a great idea to watch some informative sex videos. They will give you a clearer picture of how to do what. But don’t confuse this with porn. Porn videos are misleading and the sex shown in those videos is at another level.
6. Do not feel insecure about yourself – There is no need to feel insecure about your body. Your partner is equally insecure about his image and secondly he/she loves you just the way you are. You don’t need to do anything else to make yourself look appealing to them.
7. Look at sex as a way of creating intimacy – Sex should be perceived as a way of coming closer to each other and not just a task that you need to finish. Have fun while you’re at it!
8. Indulge in foreplay – Create a congenial atmosphere with dim lights and fresh flowers to get you both in the mood. Indulge in foreplay and pamper each other. Take one step at a time. Don’t just jump in to sexual situations. It looks very awkward. Cuddle, hug, kiss and make each other feel special. Just enjoy the moment.
9. Tell them if you’re uncomfortable – At any time during the act, it any of you feels uncomfortable or feel a pain, just tell your partner to stop right away. There’s no point in continuing if you’re not enjoying and after all, there’s always a next time.
10. Don’t be judgmental – Don’t be judgmental about your partner or yourself. With practice, both of you will learn to love each other the way it is liked by both. And anyways, nobody is giving you a score or watching you. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
Sex should be all about loving each other and showing passion towards your partner. Both partners should indulge in it with mutual consent in order to derive maximum pleasure.